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Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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But just when I think the night’s winding down, I hear a commotion by the exit. I rush over, and it’s that same troublemaker from earlier. He’s back, and this time, he’s got a whole crew with him. I’m like, “Dude, didn’t I tell you to leave?” He’s all puffed up, actin’ tough.

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